June 14, 2012

Win Some, Lose Some

It's been a long time since I've written about nursing, bras that look like swiss cheese, or milk shooting across the room like a bullet. But believe it or not, this topic has been weighing heavily on my mind these past two weeks as we once again debated the merits of how we feed our daughter.

I recently took Evelyn in for her nine month pediatrician appointment. She received a glowing report from her doctor- she's healthy, smart, and gearing up for a toddlerhood that will undoubtedly be filled with the thievery of her brother's favorite toys. The only black mark on her perfect record was staring at us in the form of 18.5.

Our sweet little gal barely gained any weight over the past three months.

So while I could chalk it up to the fact that she has become more mobile or even the fact that she eats like a lady instead of an emaciated truck driver, both her pediatrician and I know that there's more to it than that. Since she was four months old and we had the first problems with nursing, Evelyn has relied heavily on solid food to get enough nutrients into her system. While I'm certainly not proud of how my body has lacked in the dramatic nursing comeback area, I'm proud of the fact that we are still nursing as much as we can.

But because Evelyn is only getting a minimal amount milk and because her weight gain barely registered on the scale, the pediatrician recommended formula. And when I heard those words, my heart sunk a little.

I know that formula isn't the end of the world, in fact, we chose to use it with Nathaniel once he was eight months old. Formula can be incredibly beneficial and even necessary for some mothers, but knowing that this all came about as a result of a medication mistake that happened months ago has made it difficult to swallow.

Even though I'm still nursing my baby, I've struggled against feeling as though this is somehow a personal failure. The fact is unescapable that it is my fault that I can't give my baby what she needs, but there is nothing that can be done about it now. It was an accident, not done intentionally or maliciously, and all I can do is take it as a lesson and be grateful that there is another option to nourish my daughter.

So as I'm balking at the price of formula at the grocery store, I know that the only way to get through this challenge is to adopt a new mindset. You win some. You lose some. And then you start signing your entire paycheck over to Target for a little can that's so expensive that it had better come studded with diamonds.

6 comments:

  1. You are such a good mama. You are doing what's best for your daughter, even if it's not what you wish you could be doing. Stay strong!

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  2. Sorry Mama! I know the feeling! It's great that you can still breastfeed some at least! You're doing a great job!

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    1. Thanks Verna. I'm glad we haven't had to give it up completely too!

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  3. There's a lot of guilt tripping out there about formula feeding, but you do what you need to do! I think you're doing a a great job. : )

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    1. Very true- you do what you have to! And thanks :)

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