November 3, 2011

An Open Letter to PR Agents

Dear PR Person,

I know you have a very important job. You were hired to convince everyone on the planet that your Super-Sonic-No-Mess-Rocket-Jetpack-Mop is worth the $500 being charged for it. So because this Super-Sonic-No-Mess-Rocket-Jetpack-Mop is so freaking awesome, you figure what stay at home mom wouldn't want to pimp out the newest cleaning supplies to her readers? After all, does Clorox make a mop with a jetpack? I think not.

I'm here today to tell you that I don't mop. I hate cleaning my floors- that's one of the chores my husband does because he knows that I loathe it right up there with going to the dentist. I would rather die a thousand horrible deaths than to have some sadistic hygienist torturing me with that buzz saw they have the nerve to call a polisher.

But it's not so much your product that has me writing to you today. No, it's the way you write to me. You see, I am not Good morning or Hello. I have a name. It's clearly written eight lines into my About page. Furthermore, my email policy is plastered a mere five paragraphs down on the Press page.

I don't care what products you're hawking at me. If you can't be bothered to read eight lines into my blog, then I can't be bothered to respond to your email.

Have a nice day,
The Hormonal New Mom a.k.a. Dirty Floor Central

P.S. To the PR Reps who actually write personalized emails, THANK YOU. You are the people that light up my life with unicorns and rainbows. Just for you, I would actually consider trying that Super-Sonic-No-Mess-Rocket-Jetpack-Mop. And then my husband would drop dead from shock when he comes home and sees CLEAN FLOORS.

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