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July 20, 2011

My Compliments to Poison Control

Yesterday was the hubs' birthday bash. The man turned 28, cradle robber that he is since I'm only 24. (Though I may have accidentally said 23 to someone who asked the other day. It's a subconscious thing. Really.) As the toddler and I were finishing birthday preparations in the afternoon (mainly frosting the cake and beginning to make the dough for the hubs' requested dinner of grilled pizza), I neglected to notice our resident death-defying child scaling the kitchen table like it was K2 and stretching for the fully out-of-reach bottle of nail polish remover I had placed there earlier in the day.

But the toddler was born to two parents who love rock climbing. It's in his blood. God help us all.

Unbeknownst to me as I was prepping the pizza dough a mere six feet away, the bottle was obtained and opened within seconds. And because he's all boy, what was his first thought with the new toy?


In a split-second, Nathaniel tossed the nice, juicy acetone solution directly into his eyes and mouth. I heard sputtering and looked up from the dough, thoroughly horrified to see my toddler holding something that I thought had been safely out of his reach and even more mortified to realize that he had potentially chugged three-quarters of the bottle of pink "juice."

Instantly, the pizza dough was forgotten as I sped across the kitchen and scooped him up, wiping his sputtering and tears with my hands while simultaneously grabbing for my phone and the fastest way to contact Poison Control. Dialing my phone, I had visions of birthday cake in the Emergency Room. At least it would be a memorable way to kick off the hubs' 29th year, right?

Poison Control answered immediately and advised me to wash out the toddler's eyes and feed him a few crackers til they called me back an hour later to check up on the little man. Truth be told, washing out the eyes of an eighteen-month-old is about as fun as being skinned alive while being dragged over a bed of nails. It was one of those times when I had to remind myself that it was for his own good. Those of us who were spanked as kids distinctly remember the classic parental phrase, "this hurts me a lot more than it hurts you" and those words were never more true than as I pinned my screaming toddler down on the bathroom counter and poured water into his eyes.

He'll need therapy later in life for Chinese water torture, but I'm going on the record to say IT WAS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD. If you can still see at the age of eighteen, I'm totally taking credit for that. And YOU'RE WELCOME!

When Poison Control called back an hour later, we determined that my son was going to live without a trip to the ER. Unfortunately, I can't say the same for my dining room table which now looks like this:
Acetone Damage
Through nothing short of a miracle, no acetone landed on the birthday cake, but the dining room table which also happens to be a family heirloom? It's seen some better days, folks. But my toddler can see just fine due directly to the fact that I didn't stop on our way to the makeshift eye-washing station to swab up the mess.

But for future reference, I expect a big 'thank you' from the little man in another sixteen years. Because sacrificing my kitchen table was not something I expected out of motherhood. Oh, the things we do for love.


  1. Good save, you are just too busy for another nat!

  2. Thanks! Better the table than the little man, right?

  3. Oh man. So glad he's ok. And that you're still breathing. Go Mama go!

    ps - table is totally fixable with a sand-n-stain job. and if all else fails? paint. it make it that much more special of a family heirloom when the new paint job symbolizes the love of a mom and the grace of God.

  4. I'm glad he's okay. Whatever can go wrong usually does when a toddler is around! And I agree with Cindy - table is fixable. Just don't let your little man near the stain!

  5. Thanks guys! The table needed some work anyhow so as soon as I get the time I'll be attacking it with some sandpaper and some stain. And, like Cindy suggested, if that doesn't work... paint!

  6. Makes me think it's about time to look up and post and save the phone number to poison control on the double!

  7. SO glad he is ok! I can't imagine how scary those first moments were!

  8. Those first few moments were absolutely horrible. I couldn't believe that I had been so careless as to leave something like nail polish remover out, even thinking that it was out of reach. Hard lesson to learn, but I'm glad it didn't come at too high a price!

  9. What a SCARY moment...the boy opened the front door and ran out of the house we are renting today and was out of sight before anyone could find I had a heart-pounding moment myself this week as I was sure he was heading towards the rock steps to the beach!! Amber :)