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July 5, 2011

How to Take a Trip in the Pitifully Pregnant Phase

For the past month now, we've been in what I like to call the Pitifully Pregnant Phase. For my male readers, the uninitiated, or those of you whose baby bumps don't rival the size of the Great Wall of China, allow me to explain. The Pitifully Pregnant Phase occurs during the latter part of a pregnancy and is best described as a time characterized by distressed strangers asking LORD HAVE MERCY, HOW LONG DO YOU HAVE LEFT BEFORE YOUR BELLY EXPLODES?! and WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S NOT TODAY?!

Furthermore, once you have elderly gentlemen asking you for your due date while looking as though they are about to have a stroke right then and there over your current condition, you can jump for joy (if you're still able to jump, that is) because YOU'VE MADE IT! YOU ARE OFFICIALLY PITIFULLY PREGNANT!

But despite the fact that I have been rocking the Pitifully Pregnant Phase for the last few weeks, elderly gentlemen and all, the hubs and I decided to take our family camping. Our schedules have been a little hectic the past few months, but we finally made the plans, packed the diapers, and drove away from our air conditioning for a long weekend up north.

And we did all of this at 34 weeks pregnant.

So if you're as crazy as we clearly are, here are a few tips to ensure that your next baby-laden trip is a success:

1. Accept the fact that your toddler will be playing with rusty old pipes and using a trailer hitch as his favorite nuk holder. Also necessary for your sanity will be a small army of dishwasher-safe plastic toys. It will be one less thing you have to sanitize when you get home, thus allowing you to concentrate more fully on removing trailer grease from the pacifiers. Unless, of course, you choose to embrace your inner hillbilly and STICK 'ER ON BACK IN!
Camping Mischief
2. Invest in a baby carrier that actually fits a pregnant belly. Sure you might have to sacrifice your grocery budget for the next month, but at least you'll be without back pain after a hike. Or you would be... if you weren't already carrying one child 24/7.
Carrier Waves3. Keep your toddler locked in the grandparent's trailer for the entire trip, lest he fall down and wind up with a wicked gash across his forehead. Rambo is a nickname best reserved for the puppy you promised him later in life, not your offspring.
4. When tenting with a toddler, allow him to fall asleep in any location and any position that he pleases. Sleep is golden. You get parental bonus points (redeemable for 60 MINUTES OF PEACE AND QUIET!) for successfully moving him from said location to his pack 'n play without waking him.
Camping Naps
5. Provide your toddler with an unending supply of corn. At least while the he's figuring out how to gnaw off the end of the cob, you'll have a moment to scarf down that hot dog you've been eyeing.
Favorite Food Category
6. Plan fun outings to places like the beach where everything is toddler-safe, including those razor-sharp pieces of driftwood. While you're busy preemptively planning the fastest route to a nearby hospital, your toddler will be having the time of his life eating sand.
Driftwood Baby
7. When enjoying the afternoon at a friend's cabin, try to refrain from looking smug when you inform your significant other that you can't go tubing with the toddler. Because your belly won't fit on the tube. And because your child is too young to appreciate the Jaws theme song.
Preserving the Smiles
8. When all else fails, pull out your trump card, RIDES. Because nothing is better in the world of a toddler than spinning around and around and around on a Merry-Go-Round with daddy. Not even s'mores.
Merry Go Round


  1. pretty sure i'm one of those hillbillies. :)

  2. Oh Jess, I will admit to doing that more than a few times too. Though I usually stick it in my mouth first. I figure if I get the worst of the germs off, I get extra points, right? Either that or we'll both get sick...

  3. Great post! :) Looks like fun!

  4. Camping at 34 weeks?! Well done! I'm flying home (Switzerland to West Coast) at 30 weeks and back at 33. You wouldn't believe how people are flipping out over that. Next time someone flips on me, I'm going to tell them about your camping trip! ;) But I'm curious - why did you carry the toddler instead of your husband?

  5. Good luck on your trip Lindsey! I can imagine that some people are flipping out about that, but so many people don't realize how you can still do things late in your pregnancy!! As for the carrier, my husband was all set to wear it, but I was DYING to try it out since it was the first time we'd used it so I decided to put it on. It ended up being so comfortable that I put the toddler in it and didn't need to take it off!!