June 9, 2011

Leaving Maternity Where It Belongs

This pregnancy can easily be summed up into one neat little word- FRUMP. Since shortly after I saw those two little lines on the pee stick, I've felt largely unattractive and disgusting due in no small part to the fact that I seem to be lacking in the maternity clothes department. So I did what any expectant mama would do in my situation; I engaged in some intensive shopping therapy. Much to the chagrin of my budget-conscious husband, I scored several maternity tops that worked pretty darn well... for a few months.

We recently entered the third trimester of this pregnancy (THE END IS FINALLY IN SIGHT! HALLELUJAH!) and the size of my belly suddenly staged a revolt against any shirt that isn't a dress. Since we recently established that the world isn't ready to see me rocking midriff-baring shirts without thinking that I have some type of flesh-eating disease, I was at a loss because none of my shirts were quite long enough to cover The Belly. Oh yes, The Belly the Size O' Texas has made a reappearance!

So on to the maternity dresses I went, only to discover that those dresses are not made for women with my particular body type, said type being short with porn star-sized boobs. I know that many women are thrilled when their chest suddenly balloons up with pregnancy, but trust me when I say that my girls don't need any extra attention during these nine months so let's keep the cleavage-baring dresses to a minimum, k?

With maternity shirts and dresses out, I was up a creek without a paddle. Much to the horror and dismay of my family, I was cycling between three or four non-maternity shirts that happened to fit a bit looser than the others and were long enough to cover my expanding middle. But as any mother to a toddler knows, things wear out and I wore those shirts so frequently that I literally wore holes into them.

Let's not discuss whether or not I continued wearing them in public WITH the holes just because I couldn't find anything else to wear. Moving on then...

In a last hope of finding something that just might get me through the remaining few weeks, I scoured the racks at Target. I avoided the maternity section like the plague, held my breath, and walked tentatively through the juniors' department. DUDES, I TOTALLY SCORED.

I walked out of the fitting rooms shortly thereafter with a handful of stretchy, non-maternity dresses that actually fit and, with a pair of maternity shorts thrown underneath, could be rocked through the remainder of my pregnancy!

So the moral of this story? Leave maternity clothes where they belong- on the size 2 models with completely flat chests. Because sometimes a little creativity can go a long way toward beating the frump.

7 comments:

  1. I'm guilty of wearing holey maternity shirts because they are the only thing that fit too. Don't feel guilty! Glad you found some cute stuff!

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  2. Glad I'm not the only one who's been wearing holy shirts out and about! And I agree- I'm glad to have finally found some cute dresses!

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  3. Yeah! I'm so glad I wasn't the only preggo mama who had to almost become mcgyver with trying to find something to wear! Glad you were able to score! :-)

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  4. I am built just like you- short with porn star boobs. Great post- I will be on the lookout!!

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  5. It's so funny that you say that because I am pretty small but while pregnant my boobs went from a small B to a DD. I didn't gain a ton during my pregnancy but I couldn't wear maternity shirts or nursing tanks before/after the baby because they were all too big in my boobs and the rest of my body. I wore regular Juniors clothes because they fit so much better. So I don't know who makes maternity shirts/dresses but they apparently don't fit anyone right!

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