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June 9, 2011

Leaving Maternity Where It Belongs

This pregnancy can easily be summed up into one neat little word- FRUMP. Since shortly after I saw those two little lines on the pee stick, I've felt largely unattractive and disgusting due in no small part to the fact that I seem to be lacking in the maternity clothes department. So I did what any expectant mama would do in my situation; I engaged in some intensive shopping therapy. Much to the chagrin of my budget-conscious husband, I scored several maternity tops that worked pretty darn well... for a few months.

We recently entered the third trimester of this pregnancy (THE END IS FINALLY IN SIGHT! HALLELUJAH!) and the size of my belly suddenly staged a revolt against any shirt that isn't a dress. Since we recently established that the world isn't ready to see me rocking midriff-baring shirts without thinking that I have some type of flesh-eating disease, I was at a loss because none of my shirts were quite long enough to cover The Belly. Oh yes, The Belly the Size O' Texas has made a reappearance!

So on to the maternity dresses I went, only to discover that those dresses are not made for women with my particular body type, said type being short with porn star-sized boobs. I know that many women are thrilled when their chest suddenly balloons up with pregnancy, but trust me when I say that my girls don't need any extra attention during these nine months so let's keep the cleavage-baring dresses to a minimum, k?

With maternity shirts and dresses out, I was up a creek without a paddle. Much to the horror and dismay of my family, I was cycling between three or four non-maternity shirts that happened to fit a bit looser than the others and were long enough to cover my expanding middle. But as any mother to a toddler knows, things wear out and I wore those shirts so frequently that I literally wore holes into them.

Let's not discuss whether or not I continued wearing them in public WITH the holes just because I couldn't find anything else to wear. Moving on then...

In a last hope of finding something that just might get me through the remaining few weeks, I scoured the racks at Target. I avoided the maternity section like the plague, held my breath, and walked tentatively through the juniors' department. DUDES, I TOTALLY SCORED.

I walked out of the fitting rooms shortly thereafter with a handful of stretchy, non-maternity dresses that actually fit and, with a pair of maternity shorts thrown underneath, could be rocked through the remainder of my pregnancy!

So the moral of this story? Leave maternity clothes where they belong- on the size 2 models with completely flat chests. Because sometimes a little creativity can go a long way toward beating the frump.


  1. I'm guilty of wearing holey maternity shirts because they are the only thing that fit too. Don't feel guilty! Glad you found some cute stuff!

  2. Glad I'm not the only one who's been wearing holy shirts out and about! And I agree- I'm glad to have finally found some cute dresses!

  3. Yeah! I'm so glad I wasn't the only preggo mama who had to almost become mcgyver with trying to find something to wear! Glad you were able to score! :-)

  4. I am built just like you- short with porn star boobs. Great post- I will be on the lookout!!

  5. It's so funny that you say that because I am pretty small but while pregnant my boobs went from a small B to a DD. I didn't gain a ton during my pregnancy but I couldn't wear maternity shirts or nursing tanks before/after the baby because they were all too big in my boobs and the rest of my body. I wore regular Juniors clothes because they fit so much better. So I don't know who makes maternity shirts/dresses but they apparently don't fit anyone right!