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August 9, 2010

Why Subway Should Sponsor My Boobs

Nursing is a sport. It's a learned activity where you burn calories and, admittedly, some mommy and baby teams are better than others. So why not declare it an athletic event? More to the point, why aren't we hosting nursing competitions?

As I was breastfeeding the babe this morning, I realized that Nathaniel and I had become a team. While we aren't always earning a perfect 10, we've improved significantly since those first days in the hospital where I covered my boobs in no less than an inch of Lansinoh cream to ward off the pain.

Despite the whole shrinkage issue we've faced lately, I came to realize that my boobs are pretty awesome. I mean, what else could squirt milk halfway across the room? I'd pay good money to see the hubs try that trick!

If nursing was an Olympic event, my boobs would be the Michael Phelps of the sport. Huge corporate sponsors like Subway would be sponsoring my boobs, all the way to BlogHer 2011. I would tag along, of course, but the boobs would be the main event. I can see it now, meeting blogging greats like The Pioneer Woman and being all YEAH, MY BOOBS GOT SPONSORED BY SUBWAY. Which, incidentally, is totally something I would say in public.

Somehow, I don't think that is going to get me invited to the next Martha Stewart Blogger's Night Out. I have a bit of fine-tuning left to do on my public speaking skills or, as the hubs would say, FILTER, ALYSSA.

Just think, if Subway did sponsor me, I could meet other super-famous people, like Jared. Not that he's on my list of people to meet before I die (unlike The Pioneer Woman, Conan O'Brien, and the Cookie Monster), but then I could finally ask him that burning question- if he has to pay for his subs.

It's life-altering stuff.

But despite my corporate boob-sponsorship dreams, we're starting small. The babe nurses a few times a day, in between hearty meals of garden vegetables and Gerber's Banana Strawberry baby food. But once in awhile, when the babe suddenly gets distracted, the milk goes flying across the room and I can't help wishing that the Olympic Committee would take notice.

1 comment:

  1. In our house, pooing is an Olympic sport (TMI, maybe?) I'd much rather it be nursing, and I am sure Subway would be quick to jump on board :)