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May 14, 2010

The Oh Crap Moment

We've all had it happen to us, one time or another. At least, if you are a woman. If you are a man, you shrug your shoulders and decide to go naked. For us ladies, we generally don't have that option. Because if the outfit that we were planning to wear suddenly doesn't fit, it is a DISASTER OF EPIC PROPORTIONS. Call the President. Convene the Joint Chiefs. It is code red.

Those of you who have followed my blog know that my brother-in-law is getting married this weekend and that I was planning to wear a little black dress that I wore before my wedding and the arrival of my little boy. Incidentally, this is no small feat after pushing a 9 pound 14 ounce baby out of my ho ha. Since the babe arrived on the scene and I stopped eating my weight in trail mix, I have lost a grand total of 53 pounds (two in the last two weeks), and I am now one pound away from my wedding weight.

Despite losing every single pound of baby weight and all but one pound of the I'm Married Let's Eat Ice Cream weight, my body isn't quite the same as it was before. Especially the boobs.

I slipped into the little black dress tonight and asked the hubs to zip me in, since I had been unable to contort my body into zipping last time I tried. After ten minutes of not breathing and the type of sucking it in that would've made Kate Moss proud, I was wearing the dress and feeling a bit lightheaded from the lack of oxygen. Suffice it to say that nursing has not been kind to my boobs and they were busting out of the dress in a fashion that very clearly said VEGAS, BABY.

Thus began the process of spelunking into the depths of my closet, hoping and praying that my fairy godmother would appear, wave her magic wand, and send me to the wedding in a stunning dress and a pumpkin carriage.

I'm still waiting for her to appear.

Even though I know it's the best thing for him, part of me is quietly wishing that I wasn't still nursing Nathaniel. Because if I was done, the dress would fit perfectly and I wouldn't be stuck in this situation right now.

I know that there are many women who would give a limb in order to be able to nurse, but can't for various different reasons. I don't mean to sound ungrateful. You see, I had Dolly Parton boobs before getting pregnant and the fact that they currently have their own zip code doesn't make clothes shopping any easier.

So tonight I need to be reminded of why I'm nursing. Why I am enduring the challenges that come with 3am feedings, backaches, and expensive bras. And why I have a small mountain of clothes strewn around my bedroom in the hopes of finding something which fits.

Oh, that's right. He's sleeping in the next room.


  1. ugh. i feel for you. my boobs were/are huuuuge. but UBER CONGRATS on the weightloss!

  2. I'll be honest: I laughed out loud at the "Vegas Baby" comment. Everyone told me that when I got pregnant I would get boobs. So far? They only fill up the B-cup that they didn't quite fill up before.
    I feel cheated.

  3. Pippy, I have some to spare!!! You can have mine!!!

  4. LMAO.......congrats on the weight loss. I went back to my prewedding weight too in less than 3months after my daughter, but my body still isnt thesame. Sacrifices!!!