March 24, 2010

You Unzipped Your Pants Too

Today I met someone who profoundly lacked a filter. More so than myself. And for all of you who have followed my blog for any amount of time, this comes as a great shock because it seems improbable, nay impossible that there could be ANYONE ON THE ENTIRE PLANET EARTH who could lack a filter more than myself. But I don't go around spouting off phrases like, "Well you unzipped your pants too!" At least, not as it relates to sex. And not when speaking to a complete stranger.

It all started in Target. Normally when I shop with Nathaniel, people don't see much of him since he is snuggled into his car seat. Today was different however, because he screamed (no, not cute little baby cries, I am referring to WINDOW-SHATTERING, EAR-SPLITTING SHRIEKS) each time I tried to set him in his seat. So he spent the shopping trip reigning supreme from the comfort of mama's tired arms.

And since Nathaniel wasn't buried in his car seat, everyone could see him and was admiring his cuteness. Including the woman without a filter. Who, FOR WHAT REASON ONLY GOD KNOWS, felt absolutely compelled to come up to me and strike up a conversation about her 19 year-old daughter who had a child out of wedlock, all the while peppering her story with phrases such as, "Well you unzipped your pants too!"

It's almost so unbelievable that I wish I'd had someone to experience it with me, but trust me, had any of you been shopping with me, you would've been scraping your jaws off the floor much like I was, while simultaneously trying to subtly move away from this unique personality.

And once I finally succeeded, only after hearing how her daughter's dead-beat boyfriend was no longer interested in a relationship with the baby, we finished our shopping trip. QUICKLY.


  1. Muahahaha, creepy!!

    After the jaw drop I probably would have given the 'back away nutso' stare and not so subtly moved to a new section of the store for a blatant 'get the heck away from normal populations' message. heehee

  2. How weird - because every new mom wants to be compared to some lady's knocked up daughter.

    Of all the phrases in the world to have used. I can only imagine the life her grandchild is in for.

  3. Oh geez...people are so odd. Hahaha.