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February 2, 2010

They Said WHAT?

Recently, I have found myself the target of some terribly rude and offensive comments from some very well-intentioned people. While I am myself guilty of speaking without thinking, as I have previously suggested given the lack of filter on my speech, there are times when even I find comments made by others to be outrageous.

In honor of those recent comments, I present you with the top three things that you should not say to a new mother. Enjoy.

1. When speaking to a new mother, one should never imply that she does nothing during the day. Telling her that her baby "sleeps all day" and demanding that she makes time to accomplish certain things done for people other than her immediate family is not only unreasonable, it's just downright offensive.

Currently, it is almost three in the afternoon and I'm still sitting here in my pajamas because the majority of my day has consisted of holding my baby, feeding him, changing him, and pumping milk for later. I will consider myself fortunate if I can find a half hour to cram in a workout before jumping in the shower with my son because, on top of it all, today is also bath day for my little man.

So next time, before spewing out this particular variety of insults, please walk a mile in my shoes and see for yourself how busy my day becomes.

2. When speaking to a new mother, one should never tell her to go feed her son and laugh at her expense after she leaks through her breast pads in public.

I am freely admitting on the interwebs that I had this happen to me recently while I was out with Nathaniel. It had been several hours since he had eaten and I didn't realize that I was leaking through my breast pads and shirt until it was too late and blatantly obvious to anyone who cared to look at me. In the midst of my humiliated state (as I had no extra breast pads or an extra shirt with me), it was especially embarrassing to have someone else call attention to this issue.

Is it necessary to draw added attention to a new mother's embarrassment? No. So next time, please apply your filter.

3. When speaking to a new mother, one should never criticize how she is holding her child.

This item on the list needs to be taken with a grain of salt; one should never criticize how a mother is holding her child... unless she is somehow injuring the baby. Dangling a baby over a balcony (a la Michael Jackson) is simply begging for criticism, but as for the mother holding a baby in her arms, it becomes rather unnecessary.

Unless there has been a repeat of baby-dangling, making a mother feel bad for how she is trying to care for her child falls under the category of unneeded and cruel comments.

I'm sure there are many more items that could be added to this list. To those who follow my blog, feel free to comment and add your own; these are merely the top three incidents that have occurred in my life over the past few weeks and I choose to share them with you in the hopes that all of us will learn to apply a filter... at least, every now and then.


  1. Most of the last month I would wait to take a shower until hubby got home to watch our baby girl. One day I finally got the timing down right and she slept in her bouncer in the bathroom through my first shower without a babysitter. I was thrilled and posted my success on FB (clearly the following is my fault). I was then told by multiple people that I should let my less than 1 month old baby lay in the crib while I shower (CIO was suggested) and I was MAD. I couldn't believe how much teasing and sincere but unwanted advice I was getting over a freaking shower!

  2. Girl! Good job. I am lucky if I manage to shower too, and Sophia is 3 months old. It gets harder, because they sleep less!!! And as far as time just spill a whole cup of water on no, don't. I have leaked to. It stinks, but be proud of it, you are providing for your baby and that is evidence :D

  3. I think the worst comments I get are people who ask me if I'm breastfeeding. Well, I have major supply issues and so even though I'd like to exclusively breastfeed it's just not going to happen for us. I've stopped explaining my situation to people because I got really tired of hearing everyone's "tips" on how to increase my supply. You would be amazed what types of things people suggested!

  4. I agree with your first rude comment. My husband came home the other day and I badly needed a shower. He said "Well, you're home all day with him, why can't you take a shower then?" I'm sorry that my child would NOT let me put him down today, now it is your turn to hold him while I take 20 minutes for myself. I can't believe someone would criticize the way you hold your baby!