January 11, 2010

My First Day As A Stay At Home Mom

Today was my first day as a stay at home mother; although Nathaniel has been home with us for almost two weeks now, today was the first day that I spent alone with my little boy as Jonathan's vacation time was up and he was back at work. We survived the day and, surprisingly, are no worse for wear!

Last night, I had an emotional breakdown as I thought about the upcoming days and weeks. I truly didn't know how I would manage things by myself, as I had felt so dependent on Jonathan these past two weeks. Although I was solely responsible for feeding Nathaniel and much of the changing and cuddling, it was reassuring to me to know that Jonathan was there to help and I depended on him for emotional support as we transitioned into being parents. The time we spent as a family was wonderful, but the thought of doing it all on my own during the day was overwhelming.

I want to be a good mother and, as I explained to Jonathan last night, I have a very specific idea of what a good mother does for her family. She cares for the child, does the grocery shopping, runs errands, takes care of the house, and does it all with grace and poise. Looking at all of this, I feel as though I don't measure-up; my house is often a wreck (more so now that there are three of us living here), our fridge isn't as well-stocked as it should be, and I often don't handle life with the grace and poise it deserves.

In the midst of my emotional breakdown, Jonathan reminded me of something very important. He told me that being a good mother isn't measured by how clean our house is or whether or not I've been able to get to the grocery store in the past week; being a good mother is only defined by how I care for my child.

Looking at it from that perspective, I found myself better equipped to take on the day. Nathaniel and I got up this morning and had some breakfast. I managed to get a shower in and we did make it to the grocery store- our first outing just the two of us! When we came home, we spent more time together after I put the groceries away and my little boy is currently snoozing contentedly in his Moby wrap while I procrastinate picking up my bedroom.

All in all, it was a very good day and I truly think that my key to success as a stay at home mom will be to keep in mind the most important part of motherhood: taking care of my little boy.

3 comments:

  1. alyssa you'll do just fine! you love your little boy so much and that is what matters.
    who cares if the house is always tidy? it'll all be organized again soon enough, enjoy the chaos and the little miracle who caused it :)
    becks

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  2. screw grace + poise, and a clean house? revel in the fact that he isn't tearing thinga apart yet! As long as your able to keep up with his hourly feeding demands your already ahead of the game.

    And who needs fresh food in the fridge with your nuclear war supply in your freezer!?

    Love you, you're during great. You're a fabulous mum!

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  3. Great job! If it makes you feel any better, it wasn't until last week that I finally thought "I think I got this!" It took some time! You will be a GREAT mom!!!

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