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September 30, 2009

A Mark For Every Breath

Looking back, I should have seen them coming; after all it's inevitable. Either it happens or it doesn't and it's just as simple as that.

At 19 weeks of pregnancy, they still hadn't appeared and I thought that there was hope that I would complete my pregnancy without them. At week 20, the bomb dropped and I looked into the mirror, horrified to see the first of many stretch marks across my growing belly.

I am now 27 weeks (or roughly 6 months) pregnant and my belly resembles the stripes of a zebra. I can remember how my stomach looked before I was pregnant- firm, toned, and taut- and the contrast between my memory and the image before me is dramatic.

I have spent the last several weeks mentally bemoaning the permanent loss of what I had, after all, stretch marks never disappear, while simultaneously being thankful that my little baby is growing quickly and is healthy and strong. It is merely my own selfishness that causes me to look at the deep, red lines on my belly and despise their very existence.

Today I ran across a poem that gave me new perspective on this topic. It allowed me to see that although I will carry marks on my body for the rest of my life, that beauty can still be found in little red lines.

A mark for every breath you took, every blink, every sleepy yawn. One for every time you sucked your thumb, waved hello, closed your eyes and slept in the most perfect darkness. One for every time you had the hiccups. One for every dream you dreamed within me.

It isn't very pretty anymore. Some may even think it's ugly. That's OK. It was your home. it's where I first grew to love you, where I lay my hand as I dreamed about who you were and who you would be. It held you until my arms could, and for that, I will always find something beautiful in it.
-Cassie Fox

1 comment:

  1. Even though they may not be beautiful to you, they are beautiful to God. He made them for a reason and He put them on you. Thanks for the poem and the blog!